For my two activities I gave her one was to write a list of all the pros of her marriage and her husband. Second activity was to focus on the people in her life she interacts with and pin point how they are benefiting or hurting her growth during this transition. I asked her to write pros from her marriage because although she has made the decision to divorce him at one point and time in her marriage there was happiness. At one point and time he mad her happy, because children are involved she will always need to co parent with her soon to be ex husband and seeing some good in him will help her not see him as an enemy. This will also help her to see although one type of relationship didn’t work with him there are some good qualities she can hold onto in order to be able to co parent. The second activity I gave her was to focus on the individuals around her- for her to acknowledge for herself who helps with her growth and who may hinder it. Starting over is hard enough as is she needs to decide for her self if everyone at the moment should continue on with her as she goes into her next chapter of life.
For the first activity it was hard for her to write this list- at times she got a bit emotional and angry thinking of how much of the relationship could have been saved if only he tried. She acknowledged that he was a hard worker, how he was such an amazing father to their children, the fact that on a more intimate level they were nsync with eachother. What I took from observing her reaction was she wasn’t ready to leave her husband, that she still wished she didn’t have to proceed with the separation and divorce. Over the course of a 2 hour discussion she went back and forth between emotions- anger to sadness to frustration and confusion. For her second assignment I asked her to complete It showed me she didn’t trust many people so being able to analyze who in her life would be there for this transition the list was very short- her Step Mother, myself and her other best friend. She told me she doesn’t come to me for emotional support but more so how to get things done. She goes to her other best friend for emotional support because she feels comfortable crying with her. She asked me not to take offense and in all honesty I was relieved she knew not to come to me for emotional support and that is not something I can provide. Her stepmother helps her more with the children as to allow herself to have time for herself. My reflection of Shida is the fact that she wants people to believe this is what she wants when in all honesty she doesn’t- she loves her family and she more upset that she has to force herself to accept for the betterment of herself and her health she has to accept she cannot change the qualities in her husband that she doesn’t like and there for after years of trying she has to leave.